Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Sucked In

I don't really think it's a roller coaster ride I have once again been led to, as mentioned yesterday. I like roller coasters and love the feel of the speedy descent after the slow climb to the top. That, to me is exhilarating. This next journey does not hold any promises of exhilaration.  I think more than being on a roller coaster, I have been sucked into the vortex of a whirlpool. Only this time, I will not let myself get sucked down to the bottom. I can see a tiny bit of light out the end... I just need to navigate the maze through the spirals of broiling waters.  Is this going to be easier, with him 12,000 miles away in Australia?? Or will this only make things more difficult? Should we bring him back home? But back to what? I am unable to have him in my house again. Memories of past experiences have come flooding back... how he pounded his little brother's head on the tiled floors... how he emptied out all our bank accounts... how he stole the last mementos of my late parents... how he pushed me over several times, the last time pushing me down the stairs... how he stole my camera just as I was starting out my photography business... how I was attacked by one of his 'friends' when I went looking for him.  No, I cannot have him back in my house. At least I feel safe with him so far away. But how to help him there? I have contacted a friend of mine in Sydney (thank god for re connections with Facebook), who is a psych nurse, and have asked her for some information regarding emergency mental health assessment, detox and rehab facilities down there.   We have contacted a local counselor here, seeking guidance. Things may be a little easier this time around - we no longer have other children at home. Hubby has just retired, and I am still of work on disability for my profound hearing loss. I will be going back sometime in the very near future, but for now, I am able to concentrate my energies on myself and my family. 

1 comment:

  1. I hope your son is on the road to recovery. It bodes well that he was clean for so long. He knows how to do it. He just has to do it again.

    Bipolar could well be part of the puzzle but the hardest part he did before so he can do it again. I think he will. I hope that is why you stopped writing. Thanks for reading my blog. I will follow yours too.