Thursday, May 24, 2012
Pieces Of The Puzzle
Yesterday I was supposed to go hiking. The weather was ugly, even uglier than my mood. So, after a flurry of phone calls and facebook messages, 3 of us decided to go and hike the malls instead of the mountains, for some serious retail therapy. One of my companions is aware of A's relapse, the other is not. I'm not really sure why I went, as I'm not really a shopper. I think I just needed to get out of the house. I awoke to a long facebook message from A. This was sent to Hubby, and not to me... he hasn't contacted me since he became aware that we're aware. Is this because he knows I can see through his lies? Or is he ashamed to talk to me? Some other reason? I don't know, but at least he is maintaining contact with Hubby.
Anyway, A's story is that he has been clean for 7 1/2 of the 8 years he has been living Downunder. But 6 months ago, he and his girlfriend (I'll call her K), were having financial troubles, and he started gambling in hopes of a win to pay the bills. He stated he was not using drugs, although he had certainly thought about it. This story sounded very plausible, as do all his stories. He is a master manipulator. It was however, contradicted by K's family, who had started noticing little things a year ago. When I read back through my emails to A, I discover that he has been put on pain meds for a back injury in May 2011. I questioned and cautioned him at the time. It now seems all caution was thrown to the wind.
As the day wore on yesterday, emails came through from other 'concerned' friends. Although not directly asked, one of them (an ex-coworker), strongly hinted that we should pay him back the $500 that he had lent to A. He also strongly suggested we put A on a plane back to Canada, and force him into rehab. We will do neither. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. This person also informed us, that A has been heavily binge drinking on weekends, and frequently called in sick to work on Monday mornings. This is why he could not advance further in his job, that he had been doing so well at. We have also been told by another ex-coworker, that A left his job voluntarily because he was frustrated at not being able to advance further.
Towards the end of the afternoon, as I was winding up my retail therapy (I bought nothing and felt like a zombie the whole day), Hubby was having a facebook chat with A. A now admits that drugs are part of the puzzle, but only a minor part (I don't believe that last bit). When I put the pieces of the puzzle together - gambling, drinking, drugs - I see a very troubled and disturbed young man. My heart aches for him. I can't stop crying.
I am so grateful I have an old friend in Sydney who is a psych nurse, as well as a cousin there who is a psychiatrist. They have both been very helpful in furnishing me with names and numbers of places A can go to for help. I have passed this information along to A. I am hoping with all my heart that he will take that first, very difficult step. There is always hope.